So I promised that I would make this blog a priority. my apologies, as my husband was injured, after our murder banner for my son Skyler was vandalized.
Now to begin my story...
Have you ever went through something in your life where you questioned that things happen as a punishment?
There are so many things I have done wrong in my life where I can understand that I need to face the wrong and pay the price....but to have not one but two children murdered? It almost seems beyond the realm of punishment.

I am not a super religious person, believing in reincarnation of souls. I can say that since 1993, I have been angry with God, or the higher power that might exist out there. When my oldest son joined the Army at the height of the war, I thought to my self "Surely another child would not be taken. Little did I know back then, that I would face this horror again. It almost feels that I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I hear many people say " God has a bigger plan", or "You are not being punished", or my personal favorite "God does not give us more than we can bear". Who comes up with these statements? I'll tell you who...people who don't know what to say, or are looking to attach my son's murders to religion.
In reality, it doesn't really matter what people think, because my  mind works on it's own.

You see growing up, I wasn't the best child, and I did not have the best childhood. I lost my virginity at 13 years old, and had my first child at 17 years old. I had quit school, but when I found out I was pregnant, I realized I had to get my education, in order to argue with my kids, the importance of education. I graduated high school, one day after my class with a  month old on my hip.

I also wasn't always very good with my choices of men and my children had different fathers. These could all be great reasons for me to be punished by God to take one of my my children, but to take two of the from me, feels unfathomable. I feel it every day when I wake up, and at night when I cannot sleep.

There is so much guilt attached to both of my children's death. I didn't do enough for them, I should have, could have...you name it I have ran the gamut of the guilt trip train.

So what happened to my children?

I will explain in my next blog....stay tuned.

I apologize if my blog is fragmented, but I have to write it as it comes through my brain.

The thought process of punishment has weighed on my mind for many many years.

I am the mother of 2 murdered children. Jakeob Lee Johnson 5/8/1993- 9/3/1993 and Skyler Jakeoby-Lynn Riker 9/22/1996- 5/7/2016.
My hope is to tell my story in hopes that it will help others who are grieving the loss of a child or family member by violence.
Since this is my first post, I will begin my story with pictures of my 2 children.